Choreographing Orgasms?

In the desert of Tucson, Arizona I walked with Kenneth Ray Stubbs and a small group of amazingly perceptive folks.  We had all gathered for a training course in the Sexual Shaman Path.  Ray started this morning by reminding us that extraorinary things are always occuring, are actually quite ordinary, it's just that we don't often hear people sharing them.  I knew this to be true as soon as I heard him say it.

My intention in this blog is to share some of the less shared "extraordinary" experiences of being human.  I trust many of us are on similar journies.  I've been so grateful for the stories and responses to my new blog, and the conversations it has opened.  I look forward to sharing more and to hearing the magic that is living in your bodies too!

Often I will journey into orgasmic meditation.  The orgasm will root into the basin of my pelvis and spin life energy up through my body.  It's not really through the spine, but in a spineward direction.  I have learned when I move from my bones it's distinctly different than moving through the water of my organs.  I have discovered that listening to life energy during orgasm is more of a water listening: a rounder, fuller, reverberatory listening to life energy.  The water listening fills the insides of my skin rather than traversing the directionality of my bone-snake-red-blood-cell-hatching spine.  This water listening hears the orgasm as it expands to the inner surface of my body and then shifts into a lighter form, one beyond the unit of the individual.  The orgasm is simply radiating from a point in space that happens to be the same point where my human form exists, but no longer contains it.

I feel the orgasm reach Her fingers (it's not always a Her, but this one was) into my gut and only then do I remember how much I can trust.  My belly opens.  It almost tickles to loosen this constant reflex of holding, harnessing my identity to my snake spine with the deepest layers of my transverse abdominals.

I guide my attention to the Wisdom rather than to the pleasure.  The Wisdom speaks through the language of pleasure, rather than on the topic of pleasure.  When I ride the Wisdom the pleasure continues.  Sometimes my attention shifts to chasing the pleasure, like listening faster than a friend is speaking, waiting for what I want to hear.  I squeeze my feeling and my wanting until I remember to ride the Wisdom and my attention starts to expand like my belly.

Then the heart flying begins.

This opening is a wider octive.  It is like the first inhale I take when I come to a clearing in the woods and find myself at a moonlit field.  This new space inside myself for love feels as endless as the corners of the night sky.  The laughter reaches my heart and explodes in slow-silent-motion.  My mouth opens and my body does not just feel, but becomes ForGiveness.

This is not my orgasm, this is Love.  My 88 pounds of body is barely noticed by the Ocean as she rolls her waves into the shore, picking up my toes and planting them again.  Yet, it is no less thrilling of a flight for me.  This is how I experience waves of Love.

"I trust, I trust," the voice trembles--somewhere between a cry of relief and a celebration.  I recognize the voice is coming from the lungs inside my body.  We are Wisdom Riding.  Once the life energy moves into my Ajna I can trace what is occuring with words that allow me to bring you with me now.

For years I would Wisdom Ride but did not know how to express what was occuring to the world outside my body.  I could kiss these digital letters, the gaps they are now bridging!

ON 3? CHOREOGRAPHING ORGASMS?

Yesterday my body gifted me with an amazing surprise.  I stood in my temple studio rolling my heels off the Earth, coming onto my toes.  I focused my attention into my heart.  My arms clapped in front of my heart and opened in a rhythmic 3 beats.  In this moment I experienced the deep heart opening I had only before felt during expanded orgasms, tribal weddings, and deep grieving after death.

The immensity of love popped in on the third beat, my mouth opened and I fell to my bed laughing like a young girl who just discovered the doorway to the magical garden I thought was a 4 hour hike from here.  Running my hands over my head turning side to side in disbelief, I laughed with waves of joy.  This is the joy I felt seeing Grandma's face at her 90th surprise birthday party.

I used to clear the screen of my awareness when joy flooded me.  It felt like what I imagine my desktop experiences when I click the "Spaces" icon on my mac and slide into a new space knowing the clutter of my projects is hiden in a virtual pocket one click away.  But now, there is a trust that does not need the messes and challenges to disappear for me to feel it.  It is all here, the alarm clock for work that will go off in 13 hours, the death of my parents years into the future... it is all here with me as I feel this joy.

Wet, Open, Release

Often during a series of powerful orgasms I will feel a powerful heart opening.  The vibrations will continue to rock my body, and the sounds will continue to ride my breath.  But the wailing will shift into crying.  I find it profound the somatic similarity of orgasm and grief. 

The beauty was that my body and my partner remained equally present and open during this transition.  It was remarkably easier during sex not to constrict the grieving with questions or figuring because the energy had been releasing through my system for several hours by this point.

                                      

I touched it.  I touched the depth of my fear that I could not have the life I wanted.  I had known it was in here somewhere.  I could even explain the moment it got planted.  I had talked about it with healers and in my Landmark Forum.  But here it was, my body was touching it.  I stayed in contact and let the release continue, trusting that it had found the perfect moment to tap this source of possibility-defining fear.

Some of the sounds moving through me became hints of laughter, some closer to wailing.  My eyes were wet, his chest was wet, we were sweaty and sticky with love juices.  There could not have been a more lubricated exit for this fear.

“Will you hold me?”  He wrapped his muscular arms around me.  I could feel the father in him, the guard.  In that moment a larger wave of grieve released.  My body was being bound to her core by his embrace.  In here is the lush privacy of cocoons and wombs and bondage that gives way to a new expansion.